03072025
dear reader,
been thinkin about you
been missing you as a stranger
i wanna talk about the necessity of the unknown in the creative process
i wanna talk about the necessity of the unknown to progress
you've been, um..., fiery, lately.
yessss. I've never had to navigate this very necessary art practice from this type of survival mode.
how's it going?
there's a swell before another large change. like the fruition of suction. like the first sense of movement into next. and i keep teetering between the fear of turning into something darker and something more akin to the first time i heard this, and knew i had found something alive.
say more about how you are teetering.
it's like when you step on a rock that wobbles, or i've used slipping on ice as an analogy before too. unexpected action that requires unexpected reaction. i knew it was coming; i've been sleeping so much. preparing. the unknown is the face of it though. i know my decisions are the right ones, they're also unconventional and riskier footing choices.
and it's either going to get much darker,
or it's going to come together.
so. this unknown leap is necessary to arrive at a fateful place. but because i'm midair in a survival state, i'm finding it hard to focus. i'm finding it hard to work. despite the luxury of time. and because i'm not producing as much as i feel as though i should be, i find it hard to understand why i'm leaping at all. and it, the process of input:process:output gets muddled into,
becausethatartisdoingthebutonlyaren'tthingicanevenyoudo
and i know that's creativity's address
and i know what i/we'm're capable of
despite all the glory, i find fear in the unknown
too
and i get fiery when i feel defensive
but if you are defended, how can you expect to be open in the unknown?
thaswhaimsayin- i find it hard to understand why i'm leaping at all. because it's so fragile (whatever your it is) and despite very best efforts it's polluted.
clouded in murk-
i become fragile.
what?
its about these unknown faces that i mentioned. the uncertainty within the unknown of what face is going to present itself. what the battle is going to be. and there's a connection to be made and i think i'll just keep grinnin until the connection connects.
how can you be sure you should?
i mean, whats the difference between a forced grin and being forcefully fatefully effortfully handling it instead of seeing the resistance? acknowledging the panic attacks. this time. how can you be sure within the unknown friction of resistance?
i'm not sure. i'm not sure at all. and that's been working for the most part. not forcing has been working fatefully better.
what now?
the only way forward is through:
remain responsive and forgiving. remain diligent. remain in the practice of focus. remain forgiving.
remain certain to spring
a good question must be asked many times from scratch
and both the
question and answer
look different every time.
but the more information we have
the better we can formulate an answer
so.
what now?
i'm not sure. i'm not sure at all.
this scene keeps flashing back through me:
a familiar man
running into a large pane of glass
while you pass on the other side
like one of you
and the other is enclosed
do you know which is which?
no-
but an answer comes
as a tuber's first push against the dirt,
as the dawning of pollination,
with the convulsions of healing,
as a scaley thing,
